This last year my life has been turned upside down, inside out, twirled around and stipped of everything that I thought, felt, believed and lived. How funny that God has this creative plan and when we get ourselves and our plans in the way. He has to empty us to refill us with Him, with His plans for us! Sometimes, that means stripping us down to nothing.
What does it mean to walk in His perfect will? Submission.
The websters dictionary defines submit as this: To give into or surrender to another's authority.
Giving up my will and surrendering it to His will?? Ok, I will play!! So, when I say yes to God that means he makes my paths narrow and straight! This entailed my life depending on Him in every way that I could think of. For the last year plus months, I have had to depend on Him for every need, every want and every desire that I have had. He has answered every prayer that I have prayed. Every prayer but, one. He promised me a new husband out of an old husband!! So, I wait patiently. Some days were better than others. He had to work out some deep roots of hurt and pain that I carried into this marriage. Stemming all the way back to my childhood. I believe hurt people, hurt other people. Angry people come from angry people. And as you probably already can tell where I am going. I was ANGRY!! I would forgive but, pushed the hurt underneath the rug and just ignored it after all I did forgive. Right? Wrong!! Just lately, I have had to "deal" with all this hurt and pain because it is now hindering my relationship with My Father and with people. I am taking this class at my church called Discovering Intimacy. Oh my goodness, I have cried every class since the beginning but, I am glad that He is working and taking all of this out of me. Teaching me how to "relate" to others in their pain. Although, I am not perfect by any means, I am allowing Him to dig these roots up in me. At the same time He is cleansing me, I am realizing the love I have for my own children has changed, to a deeper, unconditional love that is inside of me. Each one of my children are different in so many ways. They are the best of me and the best of their father. They are blessings in their own "special" way!! My oldest son is very intelligent, speaks 3 languages. He is his own unique beat to a different drum. He is unique in many ways and I embrace that quality in him. And I am proud of the man that he has become. My middle child is on fire for Jesus! This quality I love in Him. His gift is compassion and with that comes alot of talking!! He recently told me the other day that he has decided what he wants to be when he "grows up". He said he wants to be a singing pastor. My heart jumps with glee!! He faces many opposition but, his faith is strong. My youngest is a miracle baby!! It's amazing how God has his hand on ALL my children and how he is working on them everyday!! I pray that they will submit to the will of God easier than I did. Less painful for them and isn't that what we really want for our children. I realized that the legacy I leave for my children is not here on this earth, it is in Heaven at the Throne room in prayer. I love walking with my Father in Heaven each and everyday!! He brings me new revelation, fresh understanding and REAL answers for my life! He speaks to me in a language that I can understand and listens to me!! Even when I am not understanding His way, He gently takes me by my heart strings and shows me WHO HE IS!!! He has taught me so much in this last year. One of the things that I have learned is to praise Him in the midst of the storm. It is in those times that I get peace, revelation and understanding all in ONE!!
One Love,
Jacqueline
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