A Life Consumed

Have you ever wanted something so bad for even someone else that it has consumed your prayer life, your walk, your talk, your thoughts, and your dreams? Well, for the last 2 years I have let thoughts of my husbands release consume me. God’s promises to me about giving me a new husband out of an old one consumed every aspect of my life!! I concentrated on the promise and NOT the PROMISER!! How did that happen? Well, very easily and subtly. The last week I have been reminded that God is SOVEREIGN!! Which means HE knows ALL and sees ALL!! Just when I thought it would happen this way, something came in to destroy that thought! Then I would think it would happen another way then destruction came again! Well, it can’t happen that way or this way then?? How is it going to happen?? Some things are not for us to know! He planted a seed in my heart a while ago about the way it was going to happen but it was ONLY for me! Where did I get off track? I made this ‘thing’ an idol!! Thinking I know what God is going to do and the strategy He is going to use to get the end result to come forth!! HA!! Boy, let me tell you how WRONG I was!! You see, my focus was on the circumstances and trying to figure out what God is going to do instead of on God himself!! Yep, I admit it!! I am human!!
So, in His correction of reminding me of WHO HE IS, He has completely had compassion and mercy on me! Knowing that I cannot do anything without Him, I had somehow left Him out of the process and been arrogant enough to think I knew what God the Almighty was doing? Seriously? Who did I think I was? I have come to realize that there are just some things that I don’t need to know! For example, I don’t need to know what your issue is, or your need is to pray for you!! In fact, I like it better when I don’t know! But, in the same instance, I want to know?! Why? Because I am human being made up of fleshly desires!! So, after He allowed me to get over myself and grieve!! When you kill your flesh that has been so dominating in your life for so long there is a grieving process!! Just like when someone dies, we grieve our loss, we also in that same process grieve what we didn’t have and what was stolen from us (what we could’ve had)! In this process I have truly realized that I haven’t been happy in a very LONG time!! So, now that I am over myself I believe that I can enjoy my life and BE HAPPY!! Be WHOLE in Him!! Have my JOY in Him back!! Trying to figure out what God is going to and how He is going to do it IS EXHAUSTING work of the flesh!! But, there are ways that seem right to man but in the end will cause destruction! There is a VERY sobering reality! Just a reminder that I don’t have all the pieces of the puzzle, but, that I am a piece of the puzzle and although, I may not make a difference in everyone’s life there is that one person that I have meant and made a world of difference. The world doesn’t need anymore Big and Important people. The world needs people that are compassionate and merciful to just ONE person!! And it all started in the Beginning with just one person (Adam) and Ended at the cross with just one person (Jesus)!!